Saturday, December 12, 2009


But I guess is comes with the territory this time of year. But I usually am able to take things in stride, but not currently. I am beginning to become stressed beyond my limits. I don't even know where to start.

I guess I'll start with my job. I love what I do at work to help my patients. Helping them makes me feel good, but lately not so much. The stress at work is increasing everyday and I am at the point I am ready to quit. At work they have started piling my work up an hour before I even get in, so I start behind every morning and it has been almost impossible to catch up each day. I did recently complain about this and was told it would be looked into and taken care of by my supervisor's until I get in, but that has yet to happen. There's nothing like starting behind the 8 ball every morning, what a great feeling. I have been looking for a new job, though. My work is merging with the hospital. As of Jan 1, we will be employee's of the hospital. Not so bad, except I worked for them for 10 years before they fired me (for taking a medical leave of absence that they denied paying for). So not looking forward to going back to someplace where you are so easily replaced. I am invaluable at my office now. Ask any doctor and they will tell you, but once Jan 1 gets here, my bosses are no longer my boss. While they would have no reason to fire me at this point, it's just the thought of having to go back to those politics again. So this past week I had to apply for my same position at the hospital. It was created just me, so no competition. I had to go for an "interview" and fill out recommendation cards for a job I already have. I had to get blood work done, get my shots updated, do a drug test, show proof of residency for Homeland Security screening, and have a background check done on me. All of this for a job I have already been doing for 3 yrs. I also had to fill out the paperwork for my new health insurance, the cost per pay period will go UP $70. I am not going to be paid any more, but I have to pay out more in benefits. I've been stressing a little over that, because another thing that is a source of stress for me is money.

Money has been a little tight lately. I'm not sure why, we haven't been buying Christmas gifts or anything. I still have all of that to do yet. I tried applying for a home equity loan but was denied. We have more then $100k in equity in our home and I couldn't even borrow a measly $10k to help get caught up on the bills. After the holiday's I may talk with someone and try again. In the mean time will just keep paying the minimum until we can get caught back up again. That will be tough with buying Christmas stuff too, but it will all work out, it always does. But this brings me to another point of stress, money for out upcoming vacation.

We leave in about 6 weeks for our Disney Cruise!! I am very excited about this, for many reasons. 1. I hate winter and can't wait to be where it is warm. 2. We have never been on a cruise before and it seems like a lot of fun. 3. I am really going to need a vacation after the upcoming merger at work Jan 1. But there is still so much I still need to do to prepare for this trip. I still need to book a flight, with the money I've yet to come up with yet. I still need to book a hotel and get a rental car for the drive from the airport to the port and another car for the return trip to the airport after the cruise. I can't really reserve those things, until I know when our flight will be. Which brings me back to the not having money thing again. It is such a vicious cycle.

I am so stressed out, I have been unable to exercise. Seems like an excuse I know, and I guess in some ways it is, but I have been having chest tightness associated with my anxiety of things, which prevents me from exercising. I usually take medicine to help with those symptoms but have been unable to with my recent drug test that I had to take. That is the reason I couldn't work at the hospital to begin with. I couldn't take my "anxiety" medicine and still work as a nurse at the hospital, so they let me go. Now I am back and still taking the medicine. I did disclose that information to them at the interview but I didn't want it to show up in my drug screening. I didn't need to give them a reason for them to not let me do my job again. I am just so overwhelmed, that I just feel like crying all the time. And in fact many times driving home form work over the last few weeks I have.

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